call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize