He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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