you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
