I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
