is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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