You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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