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Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
