You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
