I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize