ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
