Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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