Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
