Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
