i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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