Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
