I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm at about main and main street
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
