The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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