There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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