so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
