Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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