1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
