I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
