You just made me feel so damn special
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
