please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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