Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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