i was born a porn star she said
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
