she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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