I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
