return my video game
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
