Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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