I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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