My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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