you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
