Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize