We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
