I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
