is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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