Swine flu. Run for my life!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
