Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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