So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
