And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
