do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish life had little blips of pornography
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
