I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
