I just saw a hot homeless man
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
