apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
