I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
