So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
