I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
