I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
