At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
