just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
