My nipple is on Facebook.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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