i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
