Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you didnt know i had herpes?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
