I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
