i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
