he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
