the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
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I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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